Friday, January 7, 2011

"How I won the cosmic lottery"

The stick turned pink. That's where it started, sitting on a bed looking at the stick of immortality. We're a group now- three of us. A trilogy. Fear, dread, excitement, joy; did I mention the fear? Mood swings to knock over buildings, morning sickness that didn't restrict itself to morning. Fat fingers and weird food cravings. Dr's Appointments and blood tests. Painting and chalking flowers and clouds. Crib and layette, Bassinet and car seat. Sleep, no sleep.

water breaking, fear again. incredible fear. the waiting the waiting the waiting... the euphoria and cheer arrived with the meds- yet the fear pushed it's way into the room; will i be enough for this new girl? will the world be enough for her? will she be better off than we were? will we be able to provide?

the answers came in an instant. the instant that girl was placed in my arms. the second she picked up her head and looked around with her gray cartoon eyes; i knew my answer. this old soul wrapped in a new shell. this gift from the past made manifest in the present. she was not only going to change my life- she was going to change the world.
the questions were not only answered; i was given ten fold the knowledge i had before. i had her now. my fear was gone. i knew we would be enough. that we would give her everything and she would give to us.

i had won. we had won.
the cosmos came through. with flying colors...

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