Ode to My Pencil- By Amelia

Thank you, pink eraser
That saves me
From
My mistakes

Thank you, lead
That gives me voice
So in a quiet place
I still have words

Thank you both
For pairing up
For creating
Poetry,
Novels,
Life.

Thank you
For being strong
And not breaking
And
Thank you
For not being tough
And ripping paper

Thank you
For
Letting yourself
Be cramped in my purse
Without complaint

Thank you, closest friend
For letting
Me.
Be.
Me.

my brave heart

there is something so brave inside me. in my heart, i can feel the beating of my soul. something that wants out. wants to scream and yell and jump and run and dance. there is something so beautiful in my heart that grows at the sound of your voice- rejoices in the touch of your hand. there are thoughts swirling in my head, thoughts that need to come out before they spill out- over flowing and flooding my soul. the glorious clouds are gathering, the silver drops of freedom are falling. the deluge is coming. i will let it fall on my face, feel it on my soul. the braveness is there beating down.

There...

There is nothing heaped upon us that we can't handle. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. There is someone out there for every one. There are two sides to every coin. There is a reason for all things.

I have learned these sayings; tried to live by them.
But, I am afraid of more than fear. I feel that many things I can't handle are still there, needing my attention. I don't care what the other side of the coin looks like; if it looks better than mine I want it, and if mine is better- you suck. There's someone out there for me- and he's terrified. The reason for all things is to either piss me off or make me happy.

There- I've said it. There.

tools

I am the girl who can't be fixed.
The one who will always need, and want more than she gets or deserves.
I will never hear the things I need to hear, there are no words to make me feel complete.
There will be a missing piece in my soul that will yearn for its mate but will never find it.
So many times I've looked; searched for the way to fill my soul with the feelings it once had.
The fleeting touch and caress of a hand is now the only thing keeping me afloat.
I can feel the icy fingers of reality pulling at my ankles in a fight of "to be or no to be".
I will forever be suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune only to fine there is no fortune to be had.
The glitter and gold is long since worn off and I'm left alone with feelings of despair and darkness, slipping farther in to the abyss- alone.
I will have to be my own life preserver; my own search and rescue.
I fear.... I may be lost....

some assembly required

I tell myself stories. Weave together different plot lines, wondering if the outcome of the story might be different were we to have done or said something other than what we have done or said, all the while knowing that the various alternative outcomes are just more stories- fictions meant to distract from what's actually happening. And so I pause from weaving and commence breathing, gently and non-judgmentally saying hello to what is...

fresh baked....

never and always

I will never be the skinny girl with fair skin and light hair. My eyes will never be anything but brown.
I will never have the smooth skin of a young woman or the wrinkleless features of a botox addict. My legs will never be shapeless, straight and free of scars. My thighs will never be thin. My arms will never be as lithe as willow. My body will never be that of the young girl I once was.
I have grown and lived my life. I will forever be a woman.
My stretch marks are a testament to my ability to create life. My stomach will forever bear the proof. My legs will forever remind me of my youth, of playing and running, falling only to get back up again. My thighs are strong and curved, they have moved mountains and welcomed love. My breasts will forever sway and draw attention. My hair will always shine red in the sun; a refection of my inner fire. Every line on my face is a story of laughter and pain of loss and renewal.
I am a woman, a mother and an amazing lover. My body bears witness to it all.